How I Became a MOM

Late last year, I had registered a blog specifically to share my moments with my little darling. I had published a couple of posts too in that blog. Due to some family pressures and commitments I could not continue writing posts. After things got settled last month, I launched this new blogger website to get back to writing not just about my little one alone, but about everything that’s going on in my mind. I wish and hope to continue writing this time, as far as it can take me. Anyway, there was a post in my earlier blog AryaaAndMe wherein I have shared the story of my motherhood. You guessed it right!..My little darling's name is Aryaa. On this mother’s day 2013, I want to share it in this blog.

So here it is.

It was only after 2 years of our marriage in 2002, did we even talk about having a child. We were practically living and enjoying our life in our own way, without any major responsibilities. It took another couple of years for us to decide that we were ready to become parents. But God had different plans. All our effort at becoming parents went in vain for next 2 years. When we completed six successful years of marriage, we decided to get ourselves tested. The gynecologists used our desperateness to conceive and  I had to undergo a couple of laproscopy treatments. Time just passed, with no result but people suggesting new doctors every time and various other methods of conception. Every time, my period got delayed, even a day or two, I used to look for those two pink lines in the test kit eagerly. When the second pink line did not appear, I have cried in silence in the bathroom. I was deeply wounded by comments from some people including friends. Most people could not understand, what we were going through.

Finally, in the month of April 2009, we met a very polite and blessed doctor couple who reassured us that there are no major problems and with a couple of medications, we will definitely conceive naturally. By God's grace, by September end of that same year, I missed my periods and yes, the long wait for those two pink lines were finally over. God! I still remember those moments, it was 7.30 pm in the evening on 30 September 2009, that I spoke to the doctor over the phone informing her about the pink lines and that she told me to get it confirmed from the lab early next morning before sharing it with others. Both of us couldn't sleep. Finally, when the lab results came in the morning by 8.30 am, we had the whole family on the conference line and announced the HAPPIEST NEWS. 

We were overwhelmed with joy, also a bit afraid since the moment has finally come. All the poojas and prayers and the temple visits finally paid off. But I had a bit of difficulty in the 3rd month when the cyst in my right ovary got big and twisted. The doctors had to remove the ovary to save the baby and me. But I was so scared about what would happen to the baby if they have to give me anesthesia and medications. I remember crying in teh OT and the anesthetist told me " Look here, If you baby is a strong baby, it will survive everything.". sometimes, I still hear her voice. May be because those were the last words, I could hear, before drifting of to sleep when I underwent about 4-5 hrs of surgery with my little baby in the womb. Thank God! My baby survived everything and arrived grand on May 19 2010. We named him Aryaa on June 3rd.

Ever since his arrival, I have started celebrating motherhood everyday. Yes, there were times, when I miss my "days before Aryaa". I have even thought of running away from everything, when we had to handle him all alone right from his first month.  But God has blessed me with a very supportive husband. We were able to scrape through all the unpleasant times. Even though, it was hard to adopt to the breast feeding, soiled nappies, sudden tantrums, my health issues etc., with only 3-4 hrs of sleep a day, I sailed through it day by day, one at a time. 

I may not be the "Ideal Mom" and my way of bringing him up and my parenting techniques may not appeal well to others or even raise their eyebrows at times. But deep down my heart, I know that I am doing what is best for my son. I may not jump and help him every time when he falls flat, but I and I only know that my heart misses a beat at that time. I get scared, whenever I see media discussing a crime related to kids. I feel happy when he rushes into my arm every time, even when his papa is around. I enjoy his dance moves and the songs that he make up. I feel proud whenever he is complimented by others. I pretend to fall prey for his naughty tricks. I freak out, when he throws tantrums but I am happy to hear him talk like a grown up. HE COMPLETES ME.

We are blessed to have him as our son and he has brought calm and peace and fulfillment into our lives and changed me into a respectable personality. Above all, he has made me A MOTHER. What else could I ask for!! 

HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY :)

The link to the same post on my earlier blog – http://aryaaandme.blogspot.in/2012/11/i-celebrate-my-motherhood.html

No Yelling, No Matter What

Before we got pregnant, we had a neighbor mom who spanked her 3 year old daughter, every time the child hits her just to seek attention or for fun. The mom would reason saying its hurting her and that her child should know how it feels when someone hits you. Since I had noticed the disappointment and embarrassment many times in the child’s eye, I was certain that I should not yell at or scold my child at any point of time. But now, have I lived up to my own words? I doubt.

As proud parents – me and my husband, we discuss on ways and methods to handle our sweet little boy’s behavior – be it good or bad. We remind each other about the “No yelling and No spanking” method. But then, what makes us forget the love and care towards our child whenever he throws tantrums, yell or embarrass us. Of late, I realized it is not the child’s anger and temper, but it is mine. I might have showed my frustrations or perhaps I may have yelled at him for his tantrums since he was a little baby, even before he started talking. He is very smart – observed me very well and just reflecting me, thinking that yelling and shouting is the way to show frustrations. What a scary mirror image! My God! What have I done? It is never too late to make a change.

I certainly want to be an ideal mom to my little boy, but there are times when his behavior and non-cooperation brings frustration and conflict. Every time this happens, I tell him “You are not listening to mama, so don’t talk to me”. At times when the tantrums are uncontrollable, I lose my cool and yell at him. I am ashamed to say that I have even spanked him a couple of time. His sweet answer in either of the case is always “Sorry mama. I will not do it. Never again”. It makes me feel guilty and I too apologize to him immediately. My heart just melts away when he says sorry. I get possessed by a cloud of guilt and become teary eyed.  The next thing I do is take him in my lap or get down to his eye level, reason to him why I lost my control and explain that mama does not like what you do. I feel guilty and I apologize for yelling at him and losing my control. I have even cried on his arms. He understands every bit of it too.  I realize our little boy is barely 3 and he is allowed to yell and throw tantrums if something is amiss, but what I don’t understand is I am 35 and why I throw tantrums at him when he does not listen to me. I quietly tell myself “What is wrong with you? He is just a kid. You are not. You could have handled the situation well, without yelling.” True. Yes, I could have handled such situations better. I am sure majority of the moms recognize these moments. The child hood tantrums and anger is not going to go away on its own. He has got every right to grow up as a child and not behave like a civilized adult.

So, on the day of our 11thwedding Anniversary, which fell on 25 April 2013, I made a resolution – not to yell at the apple of my eye, henceforth. I knew this is going to be hard. Believe me, it is! I am consciously reminding myself to keep calm whenever my temper reaches peak. Its harder than I have imagined. But I am not going to give up on myself. I can do better. I am sure I will live up to my resolution. I am a woman of words. I do not promise anything or anyone easily, but the moment I give the word, I will try hard and harder to keep it – although at times such promises come back and bite me. I know its too early to judge my footing on this resolution, but I felt the need to share it and make it a promise to the world. So here it is – My words of promise to you all – No Yelling No Matter What.

I would love to hear a few words of encouragement from you all. It would be great if you could share your views and opinions and how you handle the tantrums. I too would love to share some of my moments post resolution. After all parenting is the biggest Responsibility in life.